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10:20pm 30/12/2015

When you're drinking and you think you should, you definitely shouldn't. Just sayin'.

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10:05pm 29/08/2013
  Face it. Honor it. Respect it. Beat the living shit out of it. Reshape it. Face it. Honor it. Respect it.  
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09:35pm 29/08/2013
  When walking a path of self truth one must be willing to accept with the outcome. One must be ready to maneuver whatever the result of such a journey yields. There is no nobler journey than the path than that of self truth. It's the loneliest most valuable journey one can undertake. Dangerous and necessary. Poisonous panecea. Venomous vaccine.  
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From bad to worse.    
01:48pm 14/06/2013
mood: morose
Nothing like starting your day with a phone call from your boss who informs you you're no longer employed. She cited poor work performance and horse handling safety issues. I broke my back for that position. If by horse handling safety she meant being bitten by a sedated stallion and tossed several feet then I sincerely hope that never happens to her. There is nothing I could have done to prevent that and it was handled as professionally as possible.
I gave up two better paying opportunities to work there simply because it was a chance to work with horses. I stuck my neck out, put all my eggs in one basket, held my breath and lept out into space. Lessons are painfully learned from great heights.
New adventures coming soon.
Stay tuned.
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This is a fight to the death.   
10:35am 14/06/2013
mood: anxious
Oh dear, here I sit once more at my Live Journal confessional. Bless me LJ, for I have sinned. I swore before you I'd do better. I'd be diligent in my recording life's happenings. Well, it's now been years since I've signed on. It took me two days to remember the password to this account. As it turns out Rum turns the rusted and ceased tumblers, unlocking certain recesses of my mind which have been sealed away. Possibly why it's my new drink of choice.

Unlocking what was sealed away appears to be the theme of 2013. Resurrected friendships, remembering who I am, why I left, why I began this journey and how the hell I became so lost. Immersing myself in another place to forget the past is temporary at best. I've done some things I'm not proud of. Hurt people who don't deserve it. Left too many things undone,and unsaid. I've dug myself a fine hole. I've burned bridges I had no business even crossing and I've painted myself into a corner. Now I aim to break through the wall behind me.

Accuse me of running if that's what it looks like to you. Judge me for my mistakes and my decisions to rectify them. Throw stones and insults. I may even deserve it. For now I am returning to origin. I'll scrape up with it is that remains of who I am and work through this. Hard work was never a problem.
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No show   
10:25am 31/08/2007
mood: groggy
If I havn't already spoken to you personally, Suzie was lame this past friday so there was no show for us Saturday. Looks like she may need some shoes in front due to her increased work load. Thoroughbreds do tend to be a little tender footed anyway.
Jodi went to the show just to see what it was like and reported to me that it was extremely lame. Only one or two entrees per class in some divisons, so I guess I didn't miss much. Would have been nice to get a Champion ribbon though. We so would have wooped ass. There will be other events. The show season is just starting and we'll be ready for them.

Justin and Amber are getting married tomorrow. 1 week ago I was asked be a bridesmaid in place of a girl who was just being a pain in the ass. Two days ago Amber called and asked me to be her Matron of Honor. I have to say I know what the girl is going through. Slightly last minute, yes, but weddings seem to bring out the true colors in people. So there you have it. I went from - "show up and have a good time" - to - "responsibility out the ass".
The dress, that was originally for another girl, miraculously fits.. though with a little exhaling during the zippering process. Its a halter style, floor length, with a sash. If I had another month warning I think I would have had the halter piece altered. It seems that if my boobs were smaller, YES, smaller, that it would fit slightly more comfortably. Never thought I'd see the day my boobs were too big for anything.
Wish me luck MoH-ing. This should be interesting.
Comments: 1 Slave - Love me.
02:35pm 23/08/2007
mood: nervous
I have been back in the saddle (literally) now for the past three months or so. I cannot tell you how good its been to be back on a horse. Its a part of me I felt like I gave up and to be honest I don't know why I did, all I know is that I feel like a hole in my heart has been repaired. Only now Im freaking fixated. I eat sleep and dream horses. I've subscribed to HorseTV.com, have 3 different magazine subsciption to riding magazines and I have been taking lessons. The lessons are with my trainer Jodi twice a week, and honestly Im rather impressed with myself. Im making some pretty speedy advances and happen to be competing in a horse show this weekend. Im rather nervous about it. I was never a competitive rider. Im not sure why. I dont particularly like the idea of someone, other than my trainer, judging my riding. I do, however, like the idea of showing..if that makes sense. I like the idea of going to an event and proving that I am a contender. Besides, if I plan on making anything of myself in this industry in the future I'd better have some kind of show record to prove that, at least, I am a proficient rider.
Anyway, wish me luck. I'll let you know how I do.
Take Care
Comments: 6 Slaves - Love me.
10:20pm 19/08/2007
mood: drunk
Its the birthday post once again. This year was a good one. I got married. Got the job of my dreams. Got the car of my dreams. Ive got great friends. I was so happy to hear from so many people wishing me a happy birthday. Thank you to everyone who remembered. If you didnt remember, thats ok too. After four mojitos Im pretty happy to forgive any transgressions this evening.

My parents came down on Thursday. They are pretty set on moving down here. We looked at property for them three days out of four that they spent here. Im hoping this is a good thing. I suppose we'll soon find out. Goodnight all.
Comments: 4 Slaves - Love me.
Merry fuckin Christmas   
11:49am 29/12/2006
mood: crazy
So how was everyone's Christmas? Everyone get what they wanted from Santa?
I am now convinced the old geezer has finally gone senile. He has to have lost his damn mind. He left me a 2007 Ninja in Brians parents garage. Its alllll mine.. mwahahahaha! Now for the license! Then, its get off the road because Ive got a bike!
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Wedding Pictures   
07:45pm 18/10/2006
mood: cheerful
www.digiproofs.com password: Seahawks2
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Here goes   
09:38am 08/10/2006
mood: calm
6 days and counting. I'm off today. Today I have to finish cleaning the house, and start working on the back yard. Brian did the front yard yesterday and it looks simply fantastic. He got bales of hay and pumpkins and 9 brand new mums for the planter. I'm so proud. He did such a good job.
I got my dress for after the reception. It will end at 7 and at that time its still early evening so hopefully the party will continue downtown in the bars. The dress is a strapless baby-doll style black and white with a big satin bow. Its too cute. I told my mom about it last night on the phone after I'd had an L.I.T. and a cider jack so I was in a really good mood. She told me now I wont have to pretend to be a virgin anymore after I get married. Ha. I think I need to drink before I talk to her from now on. We get along so much better with some alcohol between us.
Family starts to show up on Tuesday, so this means most of the major work has to be done before then. All of my vendors seem to be on schedule and on the same page as me.
Things still left to do:
Email the DJ back with song selections for Father daughter, and Mother son and first dance song.
Get itinerary to Graystone
Get Taylor and Jan to communicate about Cakes and Flowers and such
Get GrooveJet schedule for hair and makeup
Wednesday bring my dress to Camille La Vie so they can steam it or pressed it, or whatever they do to.
Get Program to Mom
Put tags on favors

So there are still plenty of things to do.
Plenty of things to worry about.. then yesterday morning Joey had a seizure.
Woke me up at 5am with nails on the closet door. He was still sternal so this was a small one. I was wide awake as soon as I figured out what was happening. It only lasted a few seconds.. or the part of it I saw was only a few seconds before he was wagging his tail at me. After that he crawled in bed with me for the rest of the morning. He usually doesn't want to sleep in the bed but he was more than happy to be right next to me.
I had a feeling he was going to start to be neurologic. With the inexplicable loss of his vision a year and a half ago and sudden bouts of aggression like he has no idea who you are. He's only 5. This stuff usually goes on in geriatric dogs who are starting to become senile. So now this confirms the notion that he most likely has a mass in his brain.
Right now he's happy and he eats and plays so he'll stay around until his quality of life is severely diminished.
Right, time to start on projects. Later kids
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Two months and counting   
10:03am 14/08/2006
  Two months until the day I'll be getting married!  
Comments: 10 Slaves - Love me.
Happy Birthday Sommer!   
06:43pm 08/08/2006
  I would like to say Happy Birthday to my Leo Sister Sommer, who I miss terribly. Some of my very favorite memories are with her. I LOVE YOU GIRLIE  
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I am so confused   
07:09pm 25/07/2006
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The end of unemployment!   
01:45pm 22/06/2006
mood: Victorious!
For those of you who didn't know Ive been looking for a job the past 4 weeks. A month with no income is very scary.
I have filled out countless applications and dropped off resumes everywhere I could think of with very little response.
Well today I got a call back from the Humane society. I had interviewed there last Thursday and today they called back and offered me a Job!!


I am so extremely excited to be working at a non profit organization where I know that my work will be making a difference with extremely cool people and loving my work!!!
Comments: 4 Slaves - Love me.
I am, most certainly, a failure at failing   
11:43pm 17/05/2006
mood: Bummed
Winston Churchill - "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."
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08:47pm 24/04/2006
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01:29am 14/04/2006
mood: irate
There are so very many things that I hate right now and so little that I love. It is a fucked up moment when you realize that so much of your time and thought goes to anger. My focuses are clearly skewed. Its time for change. We'll see if I've got the balls.

I'll shatter my world with the intention of building it back up again. This time with iron strapping and titanium welds. I've never been so driven.

In the end there are always things to be thankful for. This keeps me humble. Maybe my ego needs a stabilizer so as not to spin out of control. Control has always been the key. So an hour and a half at the gym in the middle of the night to expend energy and I am a little less mad at myself.

Fucking Naive
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Randomness and Thoughts obscure   
10:25pm 08/04/2006
mood: indifferent
Here's to trying to use this thing more often. Free therapy. Ive been wracking by brain lately. Knowing I am just panicking. Knowing I freak when the binds tighten. My first instinct is to run. But thats the opposite of what I need to be doing. I just hope its not a mistake.

Josh's girls are here. They are super cute and fun and beautiful and smart and everything I hope my kids are. It makes my insides scream "make babies!!" but I know better than to listen to my hormones. They get me in trouble most of the time. I also know not to listen to my heart because it fucks me over too. I am overly emotional and wonton and never know what will be on next week's menu of wants and jelousies.
This week I really want to get my motorcycle lisence. We had lessons on the 636 this weekend and oh wow what a good time.
I need to file my taxes too.
I need to call Gene the caterer and put the deposit down.
I need to get Brian to work on the church.
I need to get to the gym at least five days a week. 4 isnt doing enough good. Sure Im much stronger, but the fat has to go.
The list keeps growing.

Its like work. Its fine. My job is pointless. I work for an obsessive compulsive GM who wants everything organized then reorganized creating busy work and extra nonesense to an already stupid job. Though my job is pretty much secured because two other managers have quit as well as a regional manager.

As nonlinear as this entree is I may as well quit. Just thoughts right now. Later on lj
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11:57pm 07/04/2006
  sigh growl spit. Goddamn this fickle mind of mine. There is nothing I would rather be than satisfied wtih what I have. Unfortunately I am forever in search of the next thing. Improvement, upgrades, systematic betterment. I can't be comfortable in my own skin. There's always room for improvement.  
Comments: Love me.